Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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