I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
