he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
