Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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