Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
