Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
