I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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