Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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