1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
