I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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