just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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