Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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