Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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