Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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