Already got asked if we're dating
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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