and she was petting her beer can
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
