And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
