At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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