so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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