you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The chlamydia really affected his face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
