Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
