It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
