i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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