First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
