How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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