I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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