If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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