Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
