I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
