Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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