I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
