hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
