at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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