I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
