i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
