so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
