goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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