there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
