Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
