Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
