Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
