You can't motorboat a personality
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
