I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
