I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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