oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
