i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
