On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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