TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
