12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
