Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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