If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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