I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
