you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
