I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
